National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 

I discovered this quote after my 1st loss and it's been a favorite ever since:
Sometimes we love for a moment.
Sometimes we love for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.

My Children

I love my children…yes, I said “children”. For those who didn’t know, I have three, actually. My 1st born is Sydney Jane. She was born into this world on September 21st, 2008. My 2nd and 3rd were born into Heaven on 11/19/2009 & 10/1/2010. I will admit, those two days were two of the darkest days of my life. Knowing I’d never count their toes or tickle their tummies, or watch them sleep as I rock them in my arms. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself and being angry and bitter after my first “loss” in November of last year. It actually took the loss of my 3rd child for me to take a long look at my life, to sit down and search within myself and to finally reach out to my God; to take hold of Him and let him wrap me in His arms of peace and comfort. It only took me a year to fall at His feet…to give Him all of my pain and let Him carry it. To accept that His plan for my life is perfect and that He has amazing things in store for me, if I just trust and follow Him. Throughout this journey the last few weeks, I’ve taken on a whole new attitude to my role as a mother and how I should view my relationship with my children and most importantly, with my God.


I have been reminded that my children are in fact not mine at all but are only on loan to me from God. I did not give them life, God did. I do not sustain them, God does. I cannot save their souls, only God through Christ’s blood, can do that. My children are on loan to me to love, to cherish, to celebrate, to teach, to enjoy for however long they are here on earth. I have pledged that that is exactly what I will continue to do, with my daughter and with any other child that God may see fit to bring into my life, whether they are given to me for a few days or years or for the rest of my life.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.....and even when we don’t understand why, we know that His plan is perfect and that through Him, we are given peace that passes understanding. We don’t have to know “why”. We just have to trust that He is in control. When we chose to carry the burden of “loss” ourselves and refuse to let Him carry it for us, are we doing ourselves a great disservice and only causing ourselves more heartache and tears. God wants us to cast our cares on Him. He loves us more than we can comprehend; more than we love our parents or our spouses or our children. His love is infinite and capable of carrying us through our darkest hours, if we only open our hearts.

I would be lying if I said that I had cried my last tears or that the sense of “loss” is no longer there. It would be foolish of me to say that I am not going to have days where I’m overcome with sadness when I think about “what could have been”. But God’s peace has calmed my spirit and given me hope, and His word has given me the promise of Heaven…and of seeing my babies again when I get there. And the cherry on top….I know my babies are in the BEST of hands….even better than my own. The God of all creation is holding them in His arms right now. :)